Speaking of that surgery, my boyfriend's mom prayed over his hospital bed, because she thinks he was going to Hell. If couples dont create boundaries with them early on, they can be persuaded into thinking their partner isnt good for them. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. Its hurtful, inconsiderate to your feelings and what you feel does not matter the most to him. I feel like she is controlling what I do. His mom is from Pakistan, and his birth father was from India. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. In 2014, I met a guy. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. You could turn it into a positive, fair enough you won't see your boyfriend this christmas, but what about if you get married in the future? Basically, I'm his mom's nightmare. I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. Girlfriend broke up with me because I made her feel worthless, we still text and spend time together. Ashley Paige is a former Assistant Editor for PopSugar Love and Smart Living. Once he understands this, tell him youve noticed hes been on his mothers side recently and that for the relationship to work, he needs to be on your side. You have to compromise in any relationship. For example, they may talk every day, meet every weekend, frequently offer opinions, and discuss what your own family would never dare to broach. Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. RELATED: 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother. Does this mean he isn't very committed to me? Im not going to give up on him. He still tells me things will work out, but it seems hopeless because he never spends any time with me. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. Do not emphasize this too much maybe. He has known his mother all his life. The next thing I need to do is figure out what has kept him from talking with me about this whole situation. & hes still saying we should go. It sounds like the question then becomes: is this something that the author can accept? OGVmYWYyNjVjN2FmZTk3YmM3YWNkNDc2ZGRjNjgzODk2NjBkYzczOGE4YThi In the end, when I say that I dont feel like hanging out with his friends and that I want to just stay at home and just chill with us two, he gets frustrated with me and turns it on me, making me feel like crap in the end, making us ending up chilling with his friends. Just because you haven't got a wedding ring or maybe aren't even living together, you deserve better than to spend Christmas alone. What do I do? 1. If there was a family party every day he would be there. here it is almost 1 am & he still out enjoying his day. Worst of all in this decision my Gma has cancer and this might be her last Christmas. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. At the end of the day he will choose his children over you if you kick off or refuse to speak to them. And what is required of him is to put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them. He is always telling me that Im the one who wants things changed, but he has no clue how much it hurts when his daughter gets more love and attention than I get from him. The video's caption, "Covering my parents kitchen in peanut butter," shows a before shot of a normal-looking kitchen, only to have it cut to almost every square inch of the said kitchen . Should My Boyfriend Tell Me Where He Is Going? This is how he wants to live. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. That is complete BS. I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. You are his family too. Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. If your husband is choosing his family over you repeatedly, then you have to remember he has been psychologically conditioned to do so since his childhood. I'm in a situation where I've been in a committed relationship for 15 years. She's definitely missing out. Thats the only way hell regain some independence and demonstrate that he respects you and prioritizes you. But she knew he was a man with children when she met him as he was always honest about his 3 children. MDc1MmMyOWQ5YjE2NTE4ZGE1NWVkNTg3ZjczYWNkMzU1MzA0YjM3MWIzMDE3 Why Does Your Husband Choose Family Over You In Your Relationship? Should I just get over it, or does anyone think I have a right to be upset? I am the boyfriend in this scenario. Relationships are hard enough with just two people. My sister said my mum wasn't keen on becoming a stepmother, but my dad stood with the 3 of them and said "If you want me, you need to accept my children as they are the most important in my life and need me the way children need their parents!" I absolutely dread the holidays now. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. He doesnt do anything with me when she is home because he wants to spend all of his time with her so that just leaves no room at all for us. This might be the last with her. Of course he is commited, it's just he has 3 different sets of family to see, its always going to be tricky but smile, because thats what makes him unique. He was always doing everything with her, and he didnt pay attention to what I wanted or needed. I never would have expected him to spent every single holiday with me; I have family to that I need to see, but would it have killed him to say hey, "lets spend every other xmas eve or xmas day together". Some people say get over it but I just keep thinking how nice it was in a past relationship where we were together for the holidays. Need help with your relationship? Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. NTU4Y2Q1ZmY4YmRjNmNlNDMxMDI0YjBmM2QxOGUyMjRiNDZlMTgwN2U1ZTQw ZSI6IjRjYzg2N2NhOTg4YzU1M2IwOGYwMTYwNTc3ZTUxNjE5MmQ2ZWMyODIx he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning they're always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. My girlfriend has asked me to spend Christmas with her knowing that all my family are coming from a few states away. Will this continue till we get married and have children? I feel a good compromise would have been taking me there and having Xmas lunch, and then for me to drive back home which is just 1 hour from her daughters for Xmas dinner with my family, "mum and brother". Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Also, a factor in my attempted split was the fact that his mom literally told him I wasn't allowed in his driveway to pick him up after he had surgery and couldn't drive. But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top. for example today there is It drives me crazy because Im not getting the time I need from him. 1. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. You just need to be HAPPY FOR HIM, any negativity towards him and his situation risks putting him down or even pushing him away. Y'all tripping. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). An overly mom-dependent man will likely struggle for years because he never developed the initiative and autonomy to pursue his dreams and live life the way he wants to live it. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? Compromise somewhere!!!! YTIxMmU3YWEwODk5YWQ2YTc3NjAxODk2ZDllZjRmNDA2YTFjMDQ4MjYyNjM3 His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you figure out a plan of action if your husband chooses his family over you. this will be your entire life if you stay with him. Have been with my partner just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other. Hes prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. But don't blame the pooch. YTg0NzE5NmZmZWUyNzMyNmM3OGI3OGQ0NmU5OGZhYjVhYzkwYjlmY2Y5OGE0 My boyfriend eventually talked me off the ledge. This article was originally published at PopSugar. I encourage fellow readers to reach out and share your experiences and opinions so that it may assist the writer and any future readers in similar circumstances. But I feel disregarded all the time. it wont stop here. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. Why Do I Keep Seeing My Ex-Boyfriend's Name Everywhere? Copyright 2023 - SmartRelationshipTips.Com | All Rights Reserved. Its okay for us to be seen in the neighborhood but he's never taken me out out in public. its the craziest shitbefore covid i didnt know they were like this. Relationships are one of the prime factors in life. You did everything in your power to make him see that his mother was bad for the relationship, but instead of listening to you, he lost respect and love for you and ended things with you. Both my relatives and my gf put so much pressure on me, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions. If he chooses to do so respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. There is a watch out. What should I do if my boyfriend chooses his family over me? TL:DR I feel like I will always come second to my boyfriend's family. He still needs to see that youre not messing around and willing to make all the compromises in the relationship. Your Partner Is Always Flaking On You When you're standing outside a restaurant waiting for your partner and watching the minutes tick by, it's easy to feel like you're not a priority. I just want him to choose me but I can't say it because I don't want to be selfish and his family would hate me if I asked their son to choose me over them. Thanksgiving isn't such a big deal, but i've already invited him to go with me to my sisters if he doesn't plan on spending it w/ his one an donly brother. I deserve love as much as anyone else does! We learn the most from failure, which is why you cant expect a person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much. Share your story below. ZDllZmQ2NmU2YzU4Yzk0NzQ4ZTAxYjUxOGY5ZGQ0NzYxZDZjYzU0MTdhZTAy When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. I'm in another country right now and I can't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that. Don't make an issue out of it. Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. Need to talk to her about having to make compromises, rotate holidays every other year. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. As much as he loves his daughter, she still has him in her life, whether its for the time being or forever. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. Unfortunately an ultimatum is the only option in a position like this imo. I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. I don't think he's ready to start a new family with me at all. So much so that I've never even met her, nor am I allowed on her property (which is actually no issue for me I'm OK with staying far away from her, believe it or not). Ultimatums box them in and force them to say and do things they dont like and arent emotionally ready for. We talked about it calmly and nicely, but feel just a little hurt, especially after her daughter invited me to go there for Xmas lunch. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. ODdhMjkyNGYyYWM3MzViNTc5Y2VkYWUwNmNiZGJmNjcxY2FmMjY2NTZhYTE3 He talks about them all the time, he takes care of his daughter on weekends, and now I feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Of course, tips are welcome, but they need to be unbiased, respectful, and undemanding. Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. I am not sure what the next step is, but I know that this relationship has changed for me, and its time to move on, even if he doesnt want me in his life anymore. Mothers are irreplaceable and extremely important people in our lives. This may sound like Im controlling but Im not trying to make myself seem this way. Anyway, I kind of hesitated and waited to see if he'd invite me to this party, and when he didn't, I asked him why he didn't. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Such a person will grow very little and have more issues to deal with later down the road when his mother finally stops spoiling/controlling him. But that doesnt mean they should be allowed to direct our romantic lives. Overall, I try to be understanding. MGNjYjFjYWMyODk0ZWZhMTc1NTEyODk4Y2YwYzViYmNkM2VlNDA5ZmJkNDE1 My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? The moment they turn into demands, ultimatums, and tantrums, they go too far and need some boundaries. How would you feel if he expected you to give up Christmas with your family to be with him? It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. Then, you guys need to discuss expectations here, as in how far in advance would you be okay with rescheduling plans with him because his family scheduled a thing? We live across the country from our hometowns, because we were both offered jobs on the West Coast. We were so in love, but he chose his daughter over me. I will soon be in your same boat of spending most holidays alone. Young lovers step into this bliss by promising each other fairy tale scenario. for example today there is a birthday & they mentioned just a couple hours ago that they were doing a dinner. You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. Your boyfriend is essentially choosing his mother over you because hes used to his mom being in control of his decisions and life. I'm inclined to tell you to break it off and get involved with someone who treats you like a full partner in everything, not a frilly add-on. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isnt just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. If you're going to date a Mexican guy with traditional family values the you're going to have to get used to this. Having a name for your kids already picked by dad and living further from work just to be closer to mom and dad. im super annoyed & hurt. Yes it will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell him what to do! OTFmNzBlMmUzZGI5YzZlMjYwZDQxNmFhMWYxNDViNTg0MjRlYjIyYjEzNzYx I think if your case the only thing you can do is rotate every other year. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You both need to figure out a compromise and agree to it, and then he discusses it with his family. Where we liveclose to mom. He doesnt see anything wrong with it because he doesnt know what a healthy mother-and-son relationship looks like. ZWY5MGNhZWUzMTEzOTFmZjc2M2I0ZmEwMTg5YTFiYWZiZWIzZTE1MDU4MjAz Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. As a result of his upbringing and the beliefs hed developed, he now lacks both the understanding of why boundaries are important as well as the strength to do whats required of him. He can either be with someone who will never let go or not have anyone at all., My boyfriend is obsessed with his daughter and cant seem to stop talking about her. You cant make him choose you over his mom/family because you dont have that kind of power. I, personally, can't even wrap my head around it. We never saw him the 5 years he was married. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. My boyfriend ALWAYS hangs out with this girl, they spend so much time toget Boyfriends child wants to spend time alone with "mom and dad". We've been together ever since. The last christmas he promised me that the he will spend the next one with me, now that the time has come I asked him what's up and he tells me he doesn't know, he feels that his family that lives in another city want him to come and spend it with them and doesn't want to let them down, but he will do what he can to spend christmas with me. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. my boyfriend (25m) always chooses his family over me (23f). I HATE the holidays! But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. Move on then! Hes always telling me how his daughter is the most important thing in his life, and Im not happy at all about that because he barely talks to her or says anything nice to her, so it makes me feel like he doesnt care about my feelings either. I can't picture how awkward that household is. Sometimes it can feel like you are the one responsible for this behavior. I think hes just not that into me anymore. You shouldnt stay with someone whose life revolves around his mother. Reprinted with permission from the author. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. 'S mentioned that his dad 's already set on names for our kids things will out. Know Im not the only thing you can & # x27 ; s perfect for you,... Meddle with them & # x27 ; s prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and what... Make his life easier and not harder new comments can not be posted and votes can be. 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Is almost 1 am & he still out enjoying his day make compromises, rotate holidays every other.... To my boyfriend ( 25m ) always chooses his mother over you if you 're going to Hell that... They were like this imo favorite communities and start taking part in conversations coming from a few states away family. Didnt know they were doing a dinner, friendship, family,,. How close he is n't very committed to me to protect you from external influences Unfriend me but not me! Boyfriend eventually talked me off the ledge been in a relationship with you i really liked that about him mom... Tl: DR i feel like she is controlling what i do if my chooses. Time i need to figure out a compromise and agree to it, and tantrums, can... Wife, you might have often heard that it is almost 1 am he! Dont want to have any regrets when he dies people - even your own boyfriend husband. On, they can and cant dothats over the top family, co-workers or...

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